Back in the saddle. It's time to write some more. Just as before, this is mostly for my own catharsis. If it becomes beneficial to you, then I am so glad. My return ends up being even more than what I hoped for.
I have been very frustrated as of late. I have encountered injustice again...and again and again and again. I have had more barbs thrown my way. I have experienced more things that have broken my heart. It has left me feeling indignant and, in some ways, paralyzed because there is nothing I can do about it. So I have had to ask my myself "Okay, if I can't do anything ABOUT it, what am I going to do WITH it?"
What do you do when you cannot change injustice when you encounter it?
This is another one of those things that you have to approach from behind the scenes rather than full on straight ahead. My first instinct has been to draw my sword and shield and furrow my brow in righteous rage. Let me tell you. This has been exhausting...and fruitless. I mean it hasn't been a total waste. I have accomplished some things, but I have spent more time concentrating on how to find the weaknesses in the thing that I find to be my enemy instead of on myself and how to grow myself past my OWN weaknesses. Remember those? All those battles I was fighting so valiantly within my own soul? Well I had gotten preoccupied and forgotten them. It's time to readdress them. That is what is going to make my battles winnable. That is what is going to make these struggles worth it. That is the thing that is going to leave others feeling thankful for my victories.
Concentrating solely on the enemy allows bitterness to grow. And bitterness is a terrible vulture of a thing.
I have to reacquaint myself with the reality that there are people whose minds I can never change. There are circumstances beyond my control. There are hurdles bigger than the well of my resources. To wage those battles is embarrassingly futile. I had already learned that, and then I forgot.
I have found myself increasingly frustrated with people lately. We have had several issues come up all over social media that had people in outrage...but only one social media. There were people with whom I wanted to continue to share parts of my life to whom I had to bid a permanent farewell. As few friends as I've been able to have over the last 2 1/2 years, that was so difficult. That caused me to be even more frustrated.
But I can't change them, right?
Literally as I was typing this, we got some more disappointing news. More struggles ahead. More things...I...can't...change.
So what is my responsibility? How do I spend my life so that it isn't totally fruitless? I mean, no I can't change these things, but I also don't mean to sit idly by - slug-like - doing nothing. I still have to find a way to make my life worth the few days I'm going to spend on this giant ball.
How?
I don't know very much about life. I realize more and more the older that I get that the preconceived notions and trite formulas that my younger self felt sure I could trust are nothing but papery apparitions.
I do know this though. Love always wins. I have a love in my heart that, for whatever reason, has never been totally quenched. There has always been left at least a tiny remnant. I'm going to give it. I'm going to give it to anyone that will take it. I will choose it FIRST as the weapon from my arsenal. I don't mean to say that I won't mark those that I know to be dangerous or even monstrous individuals, but there is a way to protect yourself and not engage hatred or bitterness. I will do that.
I'm also not going to give up. Being told no is not something that has ever stopped me in my life. Ever. You can ask my mother and my grandmother. They will both attest to the truth of that statement.
I'm going to pray. It matters not to me if you adopt this one or not. If you don't, it's okay with me. Just use the others. I just know in my own life that I am the beloved of a God who doesn't want to see me fail. Struggle - maybe, but struggling causes growth. Failure, however, is not in His plan for me.
I'm going to go back to the principle several posts ago, and I'm going to PURSUE happiness in each day.
This life is a crazy ride. It just is. Just the moment you feel like you've got your feet under you, something collapses. Sometimes it's your own legs.
Just get back up...and take my hand. Let's just keep going. Slowly but surely, the injustices we face will be exposed for what they are. If we keep our hearts in check, our overcoming our struggles will give us a louder voice than we'd have ever had if our lives had been predictable.
So clear your throat and square your shoulders, dear heart. If the injustice has not already hit, it's probably on its way...and we're going to be just fine.
