I really wanted those brushes....like real bad. I didn't wear makeup, but my mom did, and it was almost Mother's Day. Our instructor spent the class period telling us how to put on various products waiting until the end of class to draw the name of the winner. I spent the whole class period casting sideways glances at the brushes standing statuesque in their lucite jar. I was totally distracted and kept thinking about how badly I wanted them for my mom but how unlikely it was that I was actually going to be taking them home to her.
And then it happened...she did indeed draw my name.
I will never forget how lucky I felt. So embarrassed. It seemed to me that any other person in my class should have been given the privilege of being acknowledged as the winner, but it WAS me! I carefully packed them into my backpack and felt all day like I was carrying around the Hope Diamond. I hid them until Mother's Day and then exulted in the joy I saw on my mom's face when she opened them. She was amazed by my gift. She loved them, and that just made me feel even more lucky.
She still has them - or at least the jar they came in. Those brushes - my brushes with luck - had a lasting impact on my mom's life. In a small way, they have changed things for my mom for the last 16 years.
Lucky. That makes me feel so lucky.
Let me tell you something else that makes me feel lucky.
Tonight a friend of mine posted on my Facebook wall that Rachel Platten's "Fight Song" reminded her of me. I had never heard it before, so I gave it a listen...and then bawled my eyes out as I sat listening to it on repeat. What my friend was effectively telling me was that, to her, my name was synonymous with the sentiments of the lyrics. I am blown away by this.
A few years ago I found myself in a position that required me to fix my resolve and push ahead past some very huge challenges. There were people depending on me. I did not have the luxury of giving way to any self doubt, so I just pushed ahead. Then more challenges came and then more and then more and then more. It became exhausting. In an effort to gain some strength, I started telling people my story. I would share about a challenge I was facing and ask people to pray on my behalf. They would do that and offer me help any way they could, and I would watch myself scale the mountains that stood in the way of my spirit and then find myself standing on top of them looking over the splendor created from overcoming struggle. This would make me so happy and feel so grateful for the encouragement I received that I would share the success in a public way so everyone could feel happy about their contributions to my success. I was highly motivated to succeed by the knowledge of the people that depended on me, but I must tell you that the constant barrage of challenges left quite a bit to be desired in my faith and inner resolve at certain points. So I would keep repeating the cycle of sharing my challenges, waiting for encouragement and then watching my obstacles disappear into my past.
Then something new started to happen. When a fresh challenge came, instead of being totally thrown for a loop, I would remember "Oh wait. I can fight past this. I have been given the tools and the knowledge that this can all be used for good. Okay. I'm gonna find a way to accept this challenge and conquer it and then store the experience to be used for good. This cannot defeat me." This, apparently, has spoken to the souls of a few people. This, apparently, has given inspiration to a few people. This, apparently has started to provide me with a more far reaching ability to provide love and rescue to the hearts of people. I do not feel worthy of this. Sometimes it actually feels like I'm watching this happen to someone else.
I have more challenges that are coming in the future. I know what some of them are, and some of them are still a mystery to me, but I know that they are coming. I can also see something else coming, though. I can feel it, actually. My platform. For whatever reason, people are reading my words (someone in Brazil reads this blog...I don't even KNOW anyone in Brazil!...So..Hey, Brazil!), and they are listening, and then they are spreading the message that I spoke to them. People are asking for my story. They are literally seeking me out. That platform about which I spoke - I can feel it being hammered together under my figurative feet. I am watching more heads turn when the sound of the voice of my spirit utters the words I want to share. That...is a lucky thing. That...is how the world begins to change. To think that I am being ANY part of that blows my mind, but it's happening.
Have you ever thought about the fact that you inspire someone? That doesn't register very easily. I'm gonna be honest, it is really hard for me to associate myself with inspiration, but if I don't acknowledge that this is happening, I waste this. I am NOT willing to do that. I am NOT going to waste this, so, at the risk of sounding like a total narcissist, I'm going to embrace it! Because you know what? Me and my army of lovers of my life HAVE survived all this crazy stuff. If that gives me the ability to change things for the good, then I would be a FOOL to be self deprecating and pretend that I did not actually survive these things.
So I'm going to do my best to inspire people. I'm going to keep telling my stories...and you can bet I'm going to keep fighting my challenges. I will remember that I will have more brushes with "luck". I will be the "small boat" of which Ms. Platten speaks knowing that my little ripples can cause some big ol' waves because it's not a set of makeup brushes anymore that hangs in the balance - it's lives and souls. I will get tired and discouraged, but I will remind myself...every...single...day...
"I've still got a lotta fight left in me"
And hey, after you read this, why don't you think about joining me? How about finding that "fight" in yourself and traveling with me? COME ON!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVxon65u3tA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVxon65u3tA
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